Chapter 2

CHAPTER : 2

Not all rains remind me of him, it’s just some that fills me with despair, and forced me to visit those memories which I have always kept hidden till sometimes like these, that they choose to surface.

And today’s rain has its own story to tell, I saw him after four long years. When loneliness accompanies me, I used to think how it would be when he will be in front of my eyes after all these long time? Will this time ever come?

 And when I met such a time that I thought would never happen, I feel something, something that is not happiness, that is more like a hollow, which starting to grow, which I thought would have filled by this much of time. But whom I am fooling, his thoughts are there always like a shadow, the shadow that I used to find in the crowd, to relate it to myself by any means possible, I still  keep watch on his every details. His one sight and my heart still play the tune that it used to play long years back.

Even if it is a good time, that I met him after a long time , that he still remembers me, that he on his own come to me, but am not able to feel happy, I should be happy, that what I thought is impossible has happened with time. But then I am afraid of weaving the same dream again and over again. I am scared to see it scattering. I have no courage left with me to go through the same phase again. The sound of breaking of heart may not be that loud to be heard by others but dangerous enough to create a hollow inside you that only be filled by the same thing by what it created.

Ironic isn’t it!

Deep in my thoughts when I reached home I don’t know, but the scene that greets me first in the hall is not that much pleasant too. There is my whole family and  Pandit Babu,

Pandit babu is a well known match maker in our society, He even claims that match made by him last for forever. As our home “Gomati sadan” is home to three daughters and one son, you can expect that he is our most visiting guest. Even my Elder sister Sujata’s proposal has came through him, she is happily married for two years now.

Unlike at the time of my elder sister’s marriage , when I was so excited even at his appearance at our doorstep, His recent visits lately only filled me with fear, fear of letting go of something that I have kept within me for so long even knowing that it was never mine in the first place.

Being the next in number for marriage it was not unknown for me that it is my marriage that they are started considering seriously, personally thinking I have to marry someday. But then there is this feeling, it is not like He loves me too, but somehow in the mean time I have learned to live with that little memory of him, as if he has become a part of me now. And then leaving all these, not thinking of him, not claiming to be in love with him, not hoping for him is something that is hard for me to describe now. Will I able to live a dual life being in a marriage and at the same time not leaving this part of mine?

Some questions are so difficult to answer, even when we know every bit of it. It’s more like as if the answer keep on changing from situations to situations even though the question remains the same. And this very moment of my life I don’t even know what exactly I want? What exactly is my happiness? If my happiness lies with him, then the next question arises, does he worth it? The time of pain, confusion, sadness, the hollowness that you can’t even describe how you feel and what exactly the piece of zigzag puzzle of your life is missing and every damn thing, does his one single approval will be enough to erase it all?

Alas ! even that single approval is not possible.....

“Khushi ! why are you standing there, come here..”

Maa’s voice slice into my thoughts, forcing a smile on my face I proceed towards them greeting them in my way to get the greatest shock of my life.

“Beta, a good alliance has come for you, and its from Raizada’s.”