True Love

 

Too Much Of Anything……..

“you are directed to a voicemail, please drop the message after the beep….”

She heard the beep sound but couldn’t say anything, as if words have left her today. She wanted to scream and scream on the top of her voice, wanted to throw out all those complains, accusations that are hurting and ripping her inside apart, but she remained silent. Failed by the words her hurt find way through her eyes, as drops after drops fall as tears, giving a wet stain to her beautiful red kurta.

When exactly things turned into this?

Is it then when she shared everything, from ant biting to her future with him first?

Or, is it then when she laughed without guilt even being criticized?

May be its then when she preferred his opinion than her own.

things were not like this,

she remembered mocking at people who are stuck on their old relationships, what is it exactly that made it so difficult to move on? She might have questioned them. But as things are happening with her, she couldn’t exactly tell that she is unaware.

She was fully aware.

She can feel it, but choose to ignore, naming it that she being considerate and understanding. She should have move out in the very instant. But she chooses to stay, dumping all those unfulfilled desires, those failed expectations in a corner of heart.

First she turned BLIND.

As she put more effort to go close to that someone, she started moving away from things that were mean to be for her healing. Thinking that she is moving on the way of fulfilling those unfulfilled, believing that she is actually healing herself, she lost herself in the abyss of false joy and satisfaction.

And she lost her CONSCIENCE and INSTINCT.

As blinded by thing she believed as love and with a weaken judgement she started seeing him as her only sun shine, forgetting that nobody can ever be your sun shine cause it’s you, yourself. But like a fool, she believed otherwise. Guided by his thoughts and ideas, when she lost her own, she never realised. It was like normal, like asking herself only. She has completely forgotten the difference between her and him.

That is the point she completely lost her IDENTITY & JUDGEMENT.

Even after all those precious things that she lost, she was happy. He loves her, he cares for her. He listens to her every nonsense talks. Sometimes, even make her heart flutter. And she was happy with this. Anyhow what more she wanted!! A loving person to be on her side always, on whom she can believe blindly.

But the first dent appeared on her those sweet happy crystal of thoughts, when she found herself alone when she required nothing but his cool assurance on her burning heart that everything will be fine. But what she got is nothing but a complete silence, as cold and scary as a desert in night.

She was angry, she was hurt, she remembered crying and accusing him. They had argued and argued over again, she had even decided to move out from this false web of happiness of her.

She should have.

The thought of leaving her happy safe place, her own self destroying web that she had made with lots of effort, time and love was scary. She was not at all honest to herself and was actually searching for a way to stay. Then a simple sorry, she forgot all the hurt and back in her false web of happiness. All she preferred was the self-destroying web than facing the world alone.

Like this she lost the last thing, she should have kept at any cost, her DIGNITY and SELF-RESPECT.

Whom should she blame now to lessen her hurt, to seek comfort? Will it be right to blame him? But for what she will blame him? Is it wrong to think about yourself, your growth? Isn’t for this thing which she overlooked, she is suffering now? Then how can she blame him.

Then is it her?

Is it her fault that she loved more than herself?

May be not. But then she should have kept herself first, she should have expected less etc etc. but then we all don’t know when is it that we should hold back, when to draw a line between containment and compromise, devotion and fear, Pride and Prejudice.

Cause we all love way too much…..

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Holla guys 😉

how are you guys doing? I am fine, or let me say more than fine, hoping this will be the case with you guys too. in this valentine week, I wish all are enjoying their fullest with their near and dear ones. 

at the same time I also hope that you all can relate to this little though of mine, and will start loving yourself again with more love than ever 😊  .

with love 

Puspa💕